White Space

I opened up my web browser, clicked my way through websites, and came to a new composition. There's a blank white space. The more words I type, the smaller that space becomes. That's kind of how life works, right? The more you work towards something, the less you have to complete. Where there is emptiness, there's something to fill it. For every action, there is a reaction. Well, what happens when you keep typing, and the white space stays the same? No matter how many words you add, no matter how fast you type, the volume remains. The white spaces keep adding and adding.

That frustration easily translates to my current situation. I've been laboriously fighting to get rid of Lyme. All the treatments, the money, the needles, the months that fly by, and the infection still remains. No matter how many protocols I did, the white space never fully went away. The infection would add. Little did I know, there was more than I thought preventing me from being 100% well.

After doing the Cowden Protocol for about a month with little progress, my headaches became too intense for me to continue. I went to see an alternative medicine doctor that someone special recommended to me. After explaining my symptoms and reciting "my story", I waited five days until my test results came back. He handed me a paper, with a lot of words, and very little white space. My eyes were instantly fixated to the list that read Bacteria. Moving to the right, my brain processed the words Borrelia, Bartonella, Ehrlichia, Mycoplasma, Babesia. I said to myself "What? Really? Me?" I always knew I had Borrelia and Babesia. But for the past four years, countless doctors and tests- no one could figure out I had three other infections ripping through my body? I felt anger, resentment towards past doctors, and a pit in my stomach. My doctor redirected my attention by going over other things the test picked up on and what we can do to potentially fix this. I left the office feeling like a heavy weight was on my shoulders, and that feeling hasn't gone away since.

Though, I am recently feeling somewhat recharged. I feel ready to tackle these other nasty co-infections and reclaim my body. I sound like a broken record, but I'm starting a new treatment protocol specially designed for my body. The first phase is detoxing, which is a lot harder than it sounds. Not only do we detox toxins and junk in our bodies, we detox emotions. I've never experienced anything like it before, but that makes me hopeful that things will be different this time.

In a somewhat positive light, my symptoms seem to have shifted. While I am still moderately fatigued, I'm able to push myself to go to the gym for the past two months.This has been a very uplifting victory for me and has given me a small sense of normalcy. The flip side of that is dealing with great neurological impairments on a daily basis. I'm grateful for the progress that I've made and anticipate it to continue. There's one line in a previous blog post from a couple years ago that resinates with me now more than ever, "Infections may be persistent, but so am I." 

-Dani