The first step- Acceptance

“Pain comes in all forms. The small twinge, a bit of soreness, the random pain, the normal pains we live with every day. Then there is the kind of pain you can’t ignore. A level of pain so great that it blocks out everything else. Makes the rest of the world fade away. Until all we can think about is how much we hurt. How we manage our pain is up to us. We anesthetize, ride it out, embrace it, ignore it, and for some of us the best way to manage pain is to just push through it.”

-Greys Anatomy  

 If you were to ask me a couple years ago what Lyme Disease was, I would probably say it's some illness from a tick, not a huge deal. That's what the majority of people would say. You really don't get a feeling for what a big deal this disease is unless you're going through it, or know someone who is. Today I was diagnosed with Chronic Lyme Disease. The unnoticed progression that Lyme has made throughout the year has caused a syndrome called POTS (Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome) I can't even pronounce that without messing it up, but I do know a lot about it. When going from the standing up position to sitting or laying down, heart rate increases and blood pressure decreases. This makes it hard to exercise, and easy to faint, causing lightheaded and dizziness.Towards the end of my appointment he said, "You're a mess." I guess the only thing you can do sometimes is laugh, to keep yourself sane. As weird as it may sound, it felt good to hear someone tell me I wasn't okay. It's amazing to feel understood and acknowledged as person with a real health issue.
Even though I always thought deep down I had Lyme, hearing the words are scary. There's so much to take into consideration. The treatment, the money, the symptoms, and how to handle everything without ripping your hair out. It's hard to face the facts. It's hard to realize that this is my life now, temporarily at least, or however long it takes to get better. It's like everything was turned upside down in a matter of hours. I can't go in the sun anymore, and I have to change my diet. No one asks for this, no one expects or wants to be told "it's going to be a long process to get better." Some of us are though. What can you do? Lay down and say I give up, or push through it all? I'm determined to beat this. This is a new start, a new beginning and learning experience. When you feel like everything's falling apart around you, sometimes you just need to trust that you will survive whatever it is that your going through, and have faith. Hold on tight, stand your ground and hope that you'll come out on top. I'm aware that before I get better, I'll have to get worse, but I'm ready. 

“What do you do when the infection hits you, when it takes over? Do you do what you’re supposed to and take your medicine, or do you learn to live with that thing and hope that someday it goes away? Or do you just give up entirely and let it kill you?”

-Dani